what do you want? 5 ways to combat “I don’t know”

Just for fun, let’s over-generalize and split the world into two kinds of people:

First - There are those people who are super confident in who they are and what they like, and they can order from a menu without hesitation.

And then - There are the kind of people who… kind of… maybe… struggle a bit with knowing exactly what they want. They need to think about the menu and ask the other person what they are getting and think about what they ate earlier in the day and then decide and then change their mind and finally just get the damn veggie burger.

Do you identify with either extreme?

As one who falls into the latter category more often than not, I’ve given myself a lot of crap for being indecisive. I have always envied my friends who just always seem to know what they want.

From the outside it seems obvious why: Knowing what you want can make your life feel more streamlined; as a creative person it can help you reach your goals sooner because you actually are clear on what the goals are in the first place.

However - and this is a big HOWEVER - I will also say that the not knowing, the moments of the in-between and questioning, are often necessary to get to the sure-fire inner knowing.

Indecision can feel crippling and painful. Believe me, I know.

But it can also help you to be more creative and understand yourself better.

So if you’re in a place this week (or this month, this year, this decade…) where you just don’t seem to know what you want, it’s ok. Cut yourself some slack and just let yourself be.

Here are a few things I’ve been learning in this department that could help you on your path to understanding what you want:

1. Focus on what you don’t want first. In the first session with new potential clients I almost always start by asking “What’s not working?” - and there’s a method to my madness. It’s usually easier to identify the things that you don’t like or can’t stand anymore. Being clear there can be a pathway into figuring out what you do want more of.

2. Dance into the pain; Don’t leap over it. Instead of just saying, “ok I know that I can no longer tolerate xyz situation in my life, see ya, bye,” give yourself the gift of the processing the anger, frustration, hurt, or pain associated with it. This piece, in my opinion, is really where the transformation can take place.

Bonus dance prompt: Use dance to work through it. Let your body take on the shape and movements of whatever scenario is not working. Exaggerate it and see what it feels like. Then use the movement to dance into a new physical experience. Because: Before you can fully feel and understand what you DO want, you need to let yourself feel what you don’t want.

3. Seek out examples and role models. Whose life do you admire? What new options can you discover through hearing other people’s stories? If you don’t seek or ask, you’ll never know. One caveat here -- Just be sure to steer clear of comparison mode. Don’t look at others thinking that you suck and they are great. Look at them thinking, “wow, if it’s possible for them, it’s possible for me!”

4. Try stuff. Experiment. Echoes of my mom’s voice saying “You never know til you try…” flow through my mind on this point. Although she would often say it while rolling her eyes as I told her about another one of my crazy ideas, I’m saying it to you with full-bodied enthusiasm! Sometimes you’ve just got to pick something and try it out, even if you feel unsure. You always have the power to change your mind.

5. Listen. This is so simple but really so profound. If you can just take the time to be with yourself and not rely on the itch to be busy, it’s amazing what you’ll start hearing from within. The heart speaks a different language - you have to be patient and quiet enough to hear its subtle calls.

And finally let’s remember what Rainer Maria Rilke said in a quote that I’ve heard often but never gets old:

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

So tell me -

Do you know what you want?  What are you questioning?

And if you have any tips for getting more clarity, feel free to share below and help us all out :)

to knowing what we know,

Jess

5 questions to ask yourself before starting a big project

If you didn't know this already, I’m a huge fan of taking small steps.

I truly believe that not every project has to be a production.

And I also recognize that there is a time to launch something big.

Whether it’s a Kickstarter campaign, a website, a show, or something similar, you’ll know it when it feels bigger than you are.

As I contemplate launching bigger things later this year, I’m learning some important lessons in the process that I wanted to share with you today.

If YOU have a big dream or project in mind, ask yourself the following questions.

1. Who is my audience?

Are you clear on who this project is meant to reach and how you will reach them? If it’s something that requires selling tickets or getting backers, do you have a network that would be willing to help?

If you’re not sure, the best thing to do is test your waters. Start talking to friends about the concept and gauge interest. Take a look at your social media networks and real life communities - are you an active member now? Don’t wait until you’re asking for support on your Indiegogo campaign to reach out to friends and communities. The more you are genuinely involved and collaborating NOW, the more organic it will feel to garner support when the launch happens.

2. Do I need a team or collaborators?

If this project really is that BIG, chance are you can’t do it alone. Even if you’re planning on walking across the country like my friend Jessica, you are still not alone. Make a list of your dream team, and even better, start enlisting people on your mission. The planning phase itself can be so much more pleasurable and productive when you’re not all alone.

3. What’s my purpose?

Why are you doing this? → The big question for the big project. Let’s make sure it’s not about your big ego, ok? But really, take a moment to examine your intentions. The more clear you are, the more powerful it will be.

4. What about the timing? Is the world ready? Am I ready?

Why are you doing this NOW? Take a look at the timing around you:

In your personal life, are you willing to make the time and resources necessary to make this happen? (It’s not a bad thing if you’re not. Sometimes we need to take care of basic needs personal crises before making art.)

In the world, are the issues you’re touching on relevant? Are you going to be the first to bring them out? Who else has done something similar and what can you learn from them?

Check yourself if you’re feeling rushed to do something immediately. Remember that there is a lot to be said for slow build-up before the climax… ;)

Sidenote: I’ve had to restrain myself from launching certain projects in the span of a week, which is my typical pattern -- my impatient and passionate nature just can’t hold back! Instead, I am opting for a slower buildup with time to plan, rally troops, and make conscious, non-rushed decisions. Mmmm… the slow build-up is fantastic!

5. How can I start now?

This is where you get to actually start now by outlining the small steps necessary to make the big kahuna happen. Sometimes the small steps are all you need right now. Sometimes the small steps will help with all the other questions we just went through.

So make a list of all the pieces that need to be put into place. And highlight the ones that feel most doable NOW. Put those into your calendar.

Which brings me to the last point.

Most importantly - Do. The. Work.

Don’t let the dreaming and planning turn into “overcomplicanning” - my word for the marriage of overcomplicating + over-planning. Read more about that here if you sense you’re in the danger zone.

Be honest with yourself to know if you really are just taking the time you need to plan, or if you are using the planning as a form of procrastination.

For example. If you dream of selling your artwork, don’t put the art-making on hold while you get a business degree and design a website. Keep making - and sharing! - your art. Let individuals or social media communities know you're doing it and know it’s for sale. Then, when the timing is right you can choose re-do your website and launch it in bigger ways.

Bottom line: Do yourself a favor and keep taking the small steps. Keep doing your work in every possible way - big or small. You never know when one small step may lead to bigger opportunities.

step by step,

Jess

p.s. Need a boost? It might be time for a Dance Rx.

have a big project in mind?

Last week with one of my awesome clients, let’s call her Jo, we were talking about her dream to start a dance company. Jo currently owns a dance studio and as she has been working on growing that business, she’s let her own creative expression get pushed to the backburner.

In our second session, Jo started telling me how she was researching performance venues and wanting to set up some dates for a show so that she can finally get her company going.

“Hold up -- ”

I reminded her that she hasn’t even started rehearsals or gathered her dancers together. The idea of performing and doing a show was so exciting, but also stressful because of the work it would take to put together right now - on top of her usual studio work. Instead of going that route, we made a plan for her to get her modern dance class and rehearsal time on the studio schedule weekly, as well as begin outreach for dancers who might want to get involved.

Suddenly, it felt manageable. The pressure to raise money and put on a production dissolved, and she was able to get back to the core of her dream: doing the actual dancing and choreographing she is longing to do.

There will be a time when planning a show is the right thing, but right now what’s most important for Jo is doing the actual work.

I share this story today, because it’s a pattern I notice a lot in my clients and in myself.

It can be easier to plan and dream and get caught in a whirlwind of stress around all of that stuff, instead of just plain and simply doing the work.

Whether or not you have a big project in mind, this Creative Friday I encourage you to simplify and just do the work you love to do.

Want to launch a stand-up comedy tour? Tell more jokes. Post them to Facebook or email them to friends.

Want your own dance studio? Start dancing more in the 4 square feet of space you do have.

Want to publish a book? Start writing every day or start a blog to get your ideas out there.

Get my gist?

There will be a time and space to work towards a giant project, but if it feels too overwhelming or stressful, don’t force it.

Find a different “in” to your dream. What I’ve discovered is that you can create your “in” by simply doing the work. Magic happens when you align yourself with what you truly want to be doing.

Next week, I’ll talk more about how to determine when it IS time to launch something big, so stay tuned for that if you’re in the zone.

Do YOU have a big project in mind? Have you pulled off a big project recently and have advice to share?

Please post a comment below and let 'er rip.

to doing your thing,

Jess

p.s. As part of staying true to the work I want to be doing, I’m offering simple yet powerful “Dance Prescription” sessions this month. If you’ve thought about working with me before, or just know that you need guidance and focus, now is the time to do it. Get more info and join me here.

in honor of vday: why i dance

Today’s post couldn’t be forced. I tried many times earlier this week to write something in honor of love, sexuality, and creativity as we approach Valentine’s Day tomorrow.  

I waited and waited but it wasn’t ready to emerge.

And then I found myself last night in a brick-walled warehouse, surrounded by people I didn’t know and flooded with music, poetry and stories that somehow knew me. It was the launch party of a film called Why I Dance.

I was moved to tears.

And I realized why today’s post wasn’t ready until it was ready.

So, what I’ll share with you today is a poem I wrote, inspired by the experience, and a quick note of encouragement:

Be patient with your own emergence.

Trust the movement inside of you.

Let go of force and let yourself dance.

Your body is sacred, so treat her that way.

In honor of Vday tomorrow, I encourage you to watch the film, find a movement near you and if there isn’t one, create your own.

Love yourself today and always,

Jess

(a poem in honor of Vday, inspired by the women of the #whyidance film)

why I dance

to shake off the clouds that keep me from myself

to shake off the times I said yes when I really meant no

to let go

to grieve

to feel joy

to feel free

to feel myself as a source of my own pleasure

I dance

for reasons I don’t fully understand yet

for all that I don’t yet know about my body

for all that I crave to understand

to connect to what women always knew before it felt unsafe

I dance

for the pain we’ve been through

I dance

for the uprising in progress

I dance

so that the young bodies after me

can dance freely if they choose

I dance

I dance

I dance

Let’s dance this VDay and always.

One step at a time we can reclaim our lost parts and create an uprising inside us all – women, men, and children. 

If you feel inspired, share your reasons for dancing below. I'd love to hear. 

the work you resist most is the work you’re meant to do

It’s not necessarily what you do all day long that makes you an artist.

Most of us have “normal people duties” to attend to like food shopping, laundry, work, paying the bills, doctors appointments, kid stuff…. you get the point.

It’s what you do in the precious windows of time that you do have to yourself.

It’s the act of actually making time for yourself.

That’s what makes you an artist.

If you wish you could start dancing more, paint again, or begin that novel you’ve been dreaming up, take a look at what you’re doing on a daily basis.

Are you scrolling through your Facebook feed instead of submitting your work to an art festival?

Are you playing around with website themes instead of actually writing a blog post?

Are you organizing your files instead of picking up the phone and reaching out to a potential client?

Are you _________(Z)_________ instead of _________(A)__________ ?

Fill in the blanks with (Z), the task you don’t really need to do, and (A), the task that you keep putting off . Your (A) is the thing you’re really meant to do.

Start doing it.

Easier said than done? You bet.

There’s a deeper reason you’re resisting the real work you’re meant to do. It might be fear, doubt, comparison, or another inner battle that’s silently stopping you.

And let’s face it, it’s more comfortable to NOT do that thing.

Living as an artist of any kind takes courage.

It takes a constant dance outside of your comfort zone.

It takes the risk of being laughed at or called selfish.

It takes persistence and determination.

Why put all that on the line?

You tell me your reason, but here’s mine:

NOT living as an artist feels like a cop out.

NOT living as an artist feels like I’m living a lie.

NOT living as an artist feels empty, disconnected, and kinda boring.

Deep down I know that I need to create or I’ll flatline. (tweet it)

I need to open my channels and let that force speak through me.

It’s my passion, my heart speaking, my survival.

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Tell me about you -

What are you resisting most right now?

Why do YOU feel the need to be an artist and create through your life?

Say it out loud in the comment box below and take a stand for the life you want to live.

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You need to constantly remind yourself of your Big Why, as I like to call it, or else time will keep escaping you.

because your expression matters,

Jess

p.s. Need support in getting back to your true self? Check out my coaching program here and apply. Spots are almost completely taken, so don't delay.

7 creative things to do in a snowstorm

If you're in the North East right now like me, chances are you're about to be snowed in for awhile.

(And if you're not, just pretend it's snowing outside and give yourself permission to stay in.)

Here are 7 creative things you could do while the storm rages on:

1. Refer to your busy-bored lists - or create them here - and check in with something you might want to do.
2. Use the Dance Shuffle Solution to work through a decision or question you have.
3. Do something new or different on social media.
4. Dance. In the snow or in the shower.
5. Watch dance. Did I mention that I'm obsessed with Dance Academy on Netflix? I also have made a lot of videos you can watch for fun here.
6. Write a letter: to or from your future self, to someone you haven't seen in a long time, to Santa Claus, to me.
7. Apply to the Thriving Artist’s Program. This is the last week to get in on this life-changing 6-month experience with me.

As always, this is a 2-way street, so feel free to comment below and let me know how you're doing, what you're dancing to, or what you're pondering in your creative life and beyond.

stay warm and dance on, Jess