Did you ever have that experience where someone is supposed to email you back, but they don’t end up getting back to you? And then you spend way too much time making up stories in your head about how they hate what you’re doing and how they are flaky and not reliable?
While it can seem shady to not return emails or to want to back out of a commitment, the real shady part is making up the stories in your head and not speaking up to say what you mean.
Do you see where I’m going here?
I’ll be the first to admit that it’s easy to fall into these patterns - the ones where I keep things in my head rather than speak up, or assume what the other person is thinking rather than actually ask them what the hell they’re thinking. It’s a pattern that sneaks up in a real shady way, and as much as I try to be a conscious, spiritually-enlightened person, my mind play tricks on me sometimes.
If you can relate even a little bit, this next part - which I’m telling myself over and over again - might be valuable:
It’s up to you to speak up. It always is. Don’t be shady.
If you don’t hear back, email them again. Or even better, pick up the phone and call them.
If you're thinking something, speak up about it so that it becomes a real conversation rather than just a mental soap opera.
Holding things back and making assumptions doesn’t end up being productive. It takes up mental space that could be put to better use. It traps your energy. It creates fake enemies. It cuts off your expression, which can cause physical health issues as well as creative blocks.
You don’t have time for that. Right?
The more I’m living this life, the more I’m realizing how critical clear communication is. It’s important for being not only a responsible adult and a good friend or partner, but also for being a successful artist. The more clear you are about communicating your needs, the more opportunities come your way.
So the moral of the story this week is this:
Express yourself before you mess yourself.
And tell me -
How good are you at speaking up? Where did you learn the skills?
Share in the comments below so that we can all benefit. It will be a next step in fostering open, non-shady communication :)
And if I ever forgot to get back to you or didn’t speak up when I should have, please accept my deepest, most human apologies.
from shadiness to sunlight,
Jess
